A few years back and shortly after the birth of our second child, my ex-husband, and I decided (involuntarily of course), that we could no longer be partners, let alone be parents in the same house. So, I reluctantly packed my bags and went back to Cleveland, Oh, where my mom stays. Overjoyed, to have her first two grandchildren, back at home, but having to deal with a damaged and pissed off daughter was not easy, for either of us. As women do, of today, have learned to keep it moving, and learned to cry to at night (sometimes in the day).
Well, first things first, how do I support my children? Again, doing what most women do in my position, I go and apply for assistance, after all, I just wanted some help to find a job, and reliable daycare. They put me in a job search program, and once completed, you gotta look for so many jobs a day. Okay, great I thought. I ended up getting a night job, the thing is I still had to do job search because it didn't count as a"job". Fine, it's doable..Until my son got sick. I was talking him to the emergency room like 4 times in a matter of 6 weeks from colds to ear infections to bronchitis. Oh, and guess what? I still had to be at the job search program at 8.
I can't tell you what these situations can do a household, and your self-esteem as a mother. My mom and I started warring because she felt that I wasn't paying enough attention to my kids, i.e., my son. Of course, her sentences start with: I had the pleasure of raising you and toyr sister, and then I worked. You can not work that hard and be an effective mother. Wow, really?...was all I could muster, and my bruised ego, and self image has a opened up another wound.
Eventually, my mom stood her position, and said that this was my responsible, so I had to stay at home with him. Now, the beauty of this, I had an opportunity to stay at home with my little boy, but it lit a fire under my feet. I began my journey focusing what was important, my babies.
Once, my son gotten well, I brought all my documentation back, and hopefully to start finding a job that would fit my family's needs. I quit my night job, as told my counselor this, she wasn't too supportive. She reminds how important it is to keep a job, and how it wasn't a smart move to quit my job even though, my baby was sick. Her challenge, Are you gonna quit everytime this happens? You have to focus what's important.
Whoa! Now, I don't know what struck my nerve, but I have been reprimanded twice now, like a child mind you, about what was IMPORTANT! I took a deep breathe, and I let her understand, that not only I very aware of what was IMPORTANT, but seeing my resume, from the age of 19 years of age(at time 31), I had a study job if not two jobs. Maternity leave didn't last for 2months for me, each time, and the only reason I was in her office was because I am going through a divorce....and dont you forget that. My ending quote was: I am required to get a job to do my most important job/responbility, which is, to take of my babies. On that note, I stormed off.
Shaking, I made it to elevator, a woman whom I noticed, on/off that worked there, stood next to me. When we made it the first floor, she pulled me to the side, and said " I commend you that" "What do you mean? I don't know if I am able to return back after what I did.", I said. "Ah, you can come back, but she needed to be reminded why she was there. See, like you, I had good jobs, and I had to quit because I my children were sick on and off. So instead of fighting to keep my job, I left. Now don't get me wrong, it set me back in professional world but I don't regret it. Guess what? I will do it again, too. So thank you for reminding her, as well as myself, what we are doing this for, our children..."
Reminscing about this now, brings tears to my eyes. Every now and then, I struggle with the warrior in me. Yes I I still looks for jobs, and I miss the action and the fast paced environment, but you know what? I haven't found anything that is gonna work with my kids' schedule.
What made think about this, today? This evening @6pm, my daughter is expected to sing with her choir. Thinking back on all the jobs that I had in the past, and I struggled to hold on to them. There is a little voice that says to me: Would you be able to do this? or would you just drop off or orchestrate someone to get her there, better yet, make her quit because you couldn't get here there?
I sign off today, saying It's my job, to get a job, to the best of at my #1 job: Being a mom... To answer your question, dear counselor, I choose HER before any job.
Josalyn Lake
West Louisville Girls Choir
December 3, 2012 age 8
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