Waiting on the world to change....think not!

For unemployed, you kinda forget how quickly time passes by.  When I worked, I used to loathed how time ticked by slowly.  Now that I am at home, I get with my kids @6:30 am with my kids, next thing you know, its noon, I still haven't had a cup of coffee.  Lunch is made and kitchen clean by 1:30 (depending on my youngest son's schedule), 2:30 dinner needs to be started.  4:30-5:00 pm., I rushing out the door, with 3 kids in tow to whatever practice, or training that I have signed them up for. 

I guess you say, who cares about her schedule, she doesn't work, so she only have half, the battle.  Oh contraire!  Actually, I have more things to do, and this settings, I sure could use an extra pair hands.  Well, in mother's word: Wait on that to happen and you will be waiting a long time. 

You see, dealing with half the battle in other situations or not at all, doesn't mean that there aren't other wars.  Most of the time, it usually starts with you. 

It ain't about you...

Mother's Day is like Christmas for me, and now that I'm a mother, it's gets more exciting.  The part I get to enjoy most is, traditions.  When my sister I were small, we would do an array of things from making cards to putting on performances or even plot surprise gifts. 

I remember my mom looking at the gifts in a bittersweet way, and it would leave us confused.  Now since I am mother of 3, understand now. 

Its not about the gifts I get or the dinner I receive.  I see the beauty of who I am through my babies, good or bad.  These beings is why the day is important.  They are all I got and I will leave in this world.  For me, they make me valid.

The is no gift worth receiving than thanks you get for touching a life.

The lie of having control

In past posts, I have mentioned that I am totally dependent of Mista(that's his code name because he don't like being mentioned).  I either verbally request or we write it on our wall calendar.  It's the way we agreed to comminicate and its also how we keep track with our spending

When I was working, I always seem to spend more.  Even with two incomes, it really hard to keep track of what the other spent. Often times, it was beginning of most wars because what was concidered a want or a need was to due either parties perception. 

As with all new things, the money wasn't a real issue, it was my association with it.  See, I felt that money granted me a certain amount of power , even it bought me choices, and I liked POWER and OPTIONS  alot, so I always wanted to make sure that I made ALOT OF money.  In past relationships, I was either equal or the bread winner.  With that being said, I always had the job with benefits, the car, or was able to always get the place in my name, etc. 

Subliminally, it made me feel like I held all of the power or control, and if a man messed up , he knew it.  This was true, but it made me HAVE all the RESPONSIBILITY.  So what's my beef you ask?

Well, I need not get into how I felt when I had to quit my job due giving birth and all that..  But I will confess this one thing:  as low as I felt, I never felt so free.  Ever...   Now, I still do have the bills and the house in my name but I have larned to share some of that burden.  And it feels good.  Viewing things from the hind sight, I was trying not to be 'controlled', but not realizing that I was being controlled. This is one of those tricks that being 'independent' makes you believe. 

Now that I have been jobless, and pennyless, have learned to live on a budget, and guess what?  I have more money and able to get more things done.  I even have the most important thing, PEACE. 

Today, I stand corrected on release of control or the thought of having control  I learned that I don't need total to feel valid or 'independent'.  I don't mind sharing the responsibilty....On that note, I would like to end...I feel...REFORMED

C

Basic B!tch

About a year ago, I was having a deep conversation with a friend discussing the different kinds people i.e. women. 

We came to the conclusion there  were women with goals(which we decided we were) and basic b!tches.   Let me explain..

What we considered women with goals were women who, apparently were outside of their home and appeared to be handling it, mean while basic women are just plain satisfied with the bare necessities(you know food, clothes, and shelter), no career, no job, or any means to provide.for themselves...to sum it up, no drive for improvement. Or is it?

Up until nearly 2 years ago, I was worker bee and proud of it, however, I would run across these "women".  They aren't avoidable, meaning they do participate in the same activities, shop in the same stores, wore better clothes than I did, etc.  And I felt some kind of way!  While I'm out here struggling to eat, providing a place for my babies a place to sleep, and could barely afford clothes, and, OMG, imma having another one...ah excuse me feeling a little slighted, here.

Humm, could it be that I have the.WRONG idea?  Is it these women, who are seemly doing very well with less, than I who is Ms. Independent Goal Setter, who seems to have more?

Well you know Karma comes around and puts everything in perspective.  Today, I am a Basic B!tch.  Yeah that's right...I don't have no money outside of what Mista gives me, yep, I don't have a car, Mista and the TARC gets me where I need to be, and uh, yeah I do shop on a regular at the mall (thinking about going next week), but most importantly, I make sure that my kids have beyond their "basic needs" met.

Basic B!tch Lake reporting duty...over and out

C